BOYFRIEND’S LOW SEX DRIVE UPSETS ME

Dear Coleen

MY boyfriend and I are both 30 and we have a lovely relationship, with lots of friends in common and the same sense of humour.

The only problem is he has a much lower sex drive than me. We’ve spoken about it in the past and he says he’ll try to initiate sex more, but he’s also admitted that he’s never been hugely sexual and can pretty much take it or leave it. But I can’t help feeling unattractive because of this.

Sometimes in the pub one of my friends will let slip about how much sex her boyfriend wants, and it makes me feel so bad about myself that my own boyfriend never initiates things and can go for months without it.

Is this something that I just need to get used to, or is there anything I can do?

Coleen says

FIRSTLY, I think you should get it out of your mind that it’s anything to do with you or it’s because he doesn’t fancy you.

He’s obviously just got a very low sex drive, which could be to do with his own self-esteem and body image, or perhaps a hormonal imbalance.

It’s a myth that all men are sex mad and want it all the time. And a lot of people who go on and on about how much sex they’re having are often exaggerating.

Perhaps there’s something going on hormonally with him that he could speak to his own doctor about.

There’s no right amount of sex, but it’s important that both people in a relationship want roughly the same amount and are happy with that.

You need to get it sorted, so speak to him again so he knows just how much it bothers you.