CAN’T LIVE WITH HIS EXCESSIVE BOOZING

Dear Coleen

MY husband and I have been together since our early 20s and we’re both coming up to 60.

During that time my husband has always drunk too much. He comes from a family of heavy drinkers, so he just doesn’t see it as a problem. But he’ll drink five or six nights a week to the point of blacking out. He falls asleep on the sofa, or he stumbles home from the pub and can’t remember getting home the next day.

He loses his wallet, or injures himself falling over. He’s often sick and he’s wet the bed a few times. I’m absolutely sick of it.

Our children have all left home so it’s just me and him and I’m so lonely. We never have sex because he’s either too drunk, too hungover, or I’m angry with him for something he did while he was drunk. Whenever I ask him to cut down he laughs it off, says he will, but never does. I’m thinking of leaving him over this.

Coleen says

OH my God, I really feel your pain. When he says he doesn’t have a problem, you should point out that he drinks so much his wife never wants to have sex with him and is thinking of leaving him, so yes, his drinking is a problem. You need to tell him you’re thinking of leaving so he knows how serious you are.

He’s obviously grown up around heavy drinking and socialises with other heavy drinkers, which has warped his view of what’s OK.

You can’t expect him to stop drinking overnight, but he can make some steps towards cutting down. For a start, he needs to have a few nights off drink a week. He could also see his GP to find out about getting support in cutting back.

I suggest he visits the AA website (alcoholics-anonymous. org.uk).

If you try all of this and he still carries on drinking heavily, I would be really honest with yourself about whether you can carry on living like this.