HOW DO WE TELL FRIEND TO LET US ALL SPEAK?

Dear Coleen

I HAVE a group of very close friends and we’ve all known each other since secondary school. We’re now in our mid-40s.

However, there is one friend in the group who is very loud and she takes over every conversation.

She takes a long time to tell a story and will fill us in on every little detail. It’s often about something going on with her work, so we won’t even know the people involved.

The last time we met, she spoke at length for so long that none of us had a chance to tell our own stories or find out how each other was.

She must sound awful but she’s actually a lovely friend who would do anything for any of us.

How can we tell her that we find her long stories too much, and that she hogs the conversation, without hurting her feelings?

Coleen says

OH, I’VE got a friend like this! In fact, I think we’ve all got a friend like this. It’s difficult because you don’t want to hurt her feelings but you could say something in a jokey way and eventually she’ll get it.

I have a friend who delivers these really long monologues about her day, and honestly, I’m just thinking, how boring.

You and your other friends can’t sit this poor girl down and tell her she talks too much but you can make little jokes so she takes the hint. If she’s been talking for too long, you could say, “Come on, let somebody else tell a story now!” in a light-hearted way.

Maybe she feels a bit boring compared to you and your mates so she overcompensates. Or maybe she doesn’t have many other friends and saves up her stories.

Either way, try and deal with this in a kind way without it becoming a big thing.