HAVE I GOT NUDES FOR YOU
Joker Poults puts smile back on face of game as he recalls naked beach bum
IAN POULTER stripped the Renaissance bare without the distraction of a naked backpacker sauntering along the beach.
The Ryder Cup hero is savouring his Scottish Open experience and determined to enjoy every second of life back on the European Tour with a light-hearted approach.
Poulter brought some laughs when recounting a story from last year’s event about being startled during one of his rounds to see a guy wandering along the water’s edge beside the course wearing nothing but a rucksack.
“I’m not sure he’ll be doing that at this time of year,” said the Englishman.
There was no one in the buff this time around.
Only the course was laid bare as the 44-year-old posted a sizzling second-day 66 to join his playing partner Lee Westwood on nine under, two shots off leader Lucas Herbert at the halfway stage.
Poulter said: “I try to have a bit of a laugh with social media.
“We’re all having strange times. We’re stuck six feet apart behind masks and it’s not enjoyable, so any opportunity you get to make it more fun is good.
“It is still strange. I’m on site but there are a lot of guys in the Marine Hotel and the others are down in Edinburgh. The bubble is spread out and that’s not easy.
“I’m fortunate to be right on the course, which is great, but not everyone is in that situation.
“We’re probably having more fun than the other guys but it is strange. It’s just not easy to put sport on and do it in a safe way.
“The European Tour have done a good job so far to have us playing a Rolex event like this.” Poulter is sharing a rented property on the estate with his mate Graeme McDowell and has taken charge of kitchen duties.
He even managed to get the full breakfast fry-up rattled out prior to their 7.57am start time yesterday thanks to some precise forward planning.
Poulter said: “Thursday night, I did the sausages in the oven and I also did the bacon.
“I put it in the fridge so we could just put it in the microwave in the morning and have hot sandwiches with HP Sauce.
“G-Mac did the dinner on Thursday night so it was back to me for Friday.”
Poulter’s determination to enjoy himself is evident, his leg-kicking with Westwood at the end of their first two rounds part of the capers. He understands the world is in a tough situation and appreciative of the fact he and his peers are even able to play competitive golf.
Poulter knows supporters are missing their sporting fix – because he’s one himself.
The Arsenal fan, who watched his team’s Carabao Cup shoot-out win over Liverpool at his digs after Thursday’s 67, can’t get into the Emirates or any other arena with restrictions on all areas of life.
And Poulter said: “I don’t think any of us could see a start date in mind five or six months ago.
“What we have gone through, what the European Tour have been through as a business, the PGA Tour, it’s difficult. I’m a sports fan and I love sport. It just doesn’t feel the same at the moment as we can’t get people together.
“The sooner we can do that, the better it is for all sports – we can get the real buzz. We’re playing
golf with no adrenalin and that’s difficult. It’s awkward and we’re making the best of a bad situation.
“I just hope this peters out and we can get some people back in to enjoy sport.
“I’ll certainly be going to other sporting venues as soon as I possibly can too.”
McDowell will not be teeing up today after a three-over 74 saw the Northern Irishman tumble to one over, two shots outside the cut
However, Poulter’s play over the course of the first two days in East Lothian has deserved the adulation of galleries.
The 12-times European Tour winner has taken advantage of a good draw weather-wise to post impressive numbers, with six birdies sprinkled on his card yesterday morning.
He’s in sparkling enough form to earn an opportunity to get it right at the Scottish Open this time, having not been able to get over the line at Dundonald. Three years ago Poulter was in a three-way tie for the lead going into the final round only to finish in a share of ninth, six shots off eventual winner Rafa Cabrera Bello after a closing 74. Nasty weather forecasts mean it is tough for anyone to be confident as he added: “I’ve had my fair share of bad draws, so I’ll take this. “You do feel a bit guilty. I woke up on
Thursday morning, put the sausages and bacon on and looked out the window. It was a bit of a chuckle as it wasn’t very nice. I didn’t realise it would blow through and we’d have the best of it.
“I can’t even remember it [Dundonald] – it’s a blur. 2020 has killed all of our brains.
“But it’s nice to be in contention and good to come back, play and support the Tour. I’m not thinking anything about Saturday, other than bringing an umbrella and a pair of waterproofs.
“I’m not confident at all, to be honest. The weather forecast looks horrific.
“I don’t know what to expect – 20mph winds and a couple of inches of rain. You can be blown off the course easily. But we’re at the right end of the leaderboard to try to batten down the hatches, dig in deep and hold strong as much as you possibly can.”