Three-times wed lover keeps walking out on me

Dear Coleen

I’M a divorced woman in my early 40s and I’ve been seeing a man on and off for about 18 months. He’s been married three times and has children from two of those relationships.

From the beginning, he made out that he was badly treated and cheated on by his exes. He gave me a big long sob story and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

However, over the past year, he’s left me on numerous occasions, saying he needs to “get his head straight” and that he’s been emotionally damaged by his previous partners.

It’s since transpired that he was leaving me to carry on a relationship with his most recent ex-wife. I told him to leave and not come back.

God knows why – maybe because of the effects of lockdown – I gave him another chance and he moved back in.

He said the relationship with his ex was finally over and we’ve had a good few months together.

However, he won’t talk to me honestly about his past and it bothers me. There’s something nagging at me that I can’t trust him and that any minute he could walk out the door and I’ll be on my own again.

Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I THINK it would be eye-opening for you to sit down with his ex-wives and find out their side of the story.

He blames all three of them for the marriages failing but the way he’s behaving with you would suggest the opposite. Maybe they, too, got fed-up with lying and cheating, and threw him out.

What is obvious is that he has huge commitment (and probably other) issues, and thinks it’s acceptable to walk in and out of relationships without any consequences.

You’re not happy now and don’t feel you can trust him, so imagine what this relationship will look like five years or 10 years down the line.

Don’t settle for something and someone who doesn’t make you happy and build you up. His attitude at the moment seems to be that you’re lucky to have him and he can do what he likes. I think you deserve better and I believe you think that, too.

Don’t hang on to him because you think he’s all there is – that’s certainly not the case.

He says he’s emotionally damaged by his ex-wives