After 12 awful years I’m clean, healthy & grateful
Ainsley, 28, turns her drug-filled life around
I knew I couldn’t live that way any more AINSLEY LOUDOUN ON HER TIPPING POINT
AN ADDICT who spent 12 years battling back from suicide attempts and alcohol and drug binges has told how she turned her life around.
Ainsley Loudoun believed she was destined to die or go to jail as her life spiralled out of control. She was 14 when she tried to take her own life – the first of a number of suicide attempts. But the 28-year-old from Kilmarnock decided to turn her life around with help from addiction meetings and a 12-step programme. She said: “I lived in utter darkness from a very young age and I found drink at a very young age too. “I thought it was normal the way that kids drink, and for a while it was normal. “I couldn’t hold a job down, there was violence and I was getting into trouble at 16 and narrowly avoided going to jail.
“The drinking continued and developed into cocaine use too. My life just completely spiralled.”
Ainsley said it came to a point where she felt she didn’t have many options left in her life.
She was drinking and missing work, then losing jobs as a result.
She said: “I was drinking because of this horrible hole inside me. Drink was my solution, which then became my problem. It just got really bad and dark. Nobody wanted to be with me and that continued until I was about 26.”
Ainsley has been in recovery for two years and is holding down a job for the first time.
She said: “I knew I couldn’t live that way any more and that I had hurt people by violence and I never wanted to hurt anyone ever again.
“I then found meetings and I’ve been in recovery for two years. I’ve learned more about myself and how to live life and be happy.
“I had never felt pure happiness within myself before. I did a 12-step programme and there was a fellowship of people that helped me get past every day. My life has been completely transformed.”
Ainsley highlighted concerns about the plight of young people in her home town.
During 2018, 29 deaths in the East Ayrshire region were related to drugs, with 26 more by suicide.
Ainsley’s recovery began at Cocaine Anonymous. She said: “I’ve got better through CA. It can deal with any addiction from drink through to heroin.
“To be directed to the meetings, anyone can check out CA Scotland online which has a list of meetings. All are on Zoom at the moment.
“There is also a helpline that can be phoned and everything is confidential.”