Why it’s not always wise to overshare your gory details
HOW much of your business should other people know about?
For some, this is an easy question to answer – none. But for those of a certain generation, marked by the impulsivity associated with social media, the “overshare” is a pitfall with which we are already wearily familiar.
Something good happens, we tell the world. Something bad happens, we tell the world.
Even in our bleakest moments, when tragedy befalls us, the smartphone is never far. Reaching for it in times of difficulty and crisis is second nature – whether it helps or hinders.
Modernity, it would seem, is all about unshackling ourselves from the emotional repression of the olden days and allowing our inner worlds to violently erupt through our mouths whenever the notion takes us. A world where those who retain some measure of emotional restraint appear distant, by the seeming transparency on such frequent display.
Of course, that’s not all that’s going on though, is it?
There’s also the performative outrage, the self-seeking social concern and the resentful and vindictive score settling undertaken behind veils of victimhood to be mindful of too.
Often, those who claim to be the most informed behave the most ignorantly. And those who believe themselves paragons of compassion and tolerance are the cruellest and most punitive.
Is it ever wise to place intimate details of our lives in the hands of such headcases?
What if the old conservative virtue of the stiff upper lip has a practical function beyond the simple keeping up of appearances?
As someone who came to the attention of many as a result of a memoir I wrote, in which I detailed more about my personal life than I am now comfortable with, I can attest to this growing public pang for the gory details of other people’s lives.
There was a time when I would have encouraged you all to share your truth. To leap on the biggest platform out there, grab the foghorn and draw the world’s fleeting attention to your plight.
Today, I don’t think I could make that suggestion in good conscience.
You see, our experiences are valid, yes, but by simply asserting that experience, we run the risk of someone else feeling like theirs has been invalidated. Such is the self-centred egoism of today’s social media culture. A culture where conflict is abuse and where disagreement is re-traumatisation.
In the medieval public square of social media, where words are injurious but silence is complicity, how are we to behave? Some have wisely concluded that the best thing to say is very little.
We run the real risk of scandalising ourselves. Of hearing and seeing ourselves discussed in terms that would horrify us.
A heartfelt post about losing a baby morphs into accusations of attention-seeking. A thoughtful observation that sharing unresolved trauma publicly may not result in the catharsis some hope for is construed as denying someone’s experience.
Sharing your experience is a personal choice. You must decide if it’s worth it for you. You should feel free to share as much or as little as you are comfortable with.
The key is to bring into your awareness beforehand the intent behind your disclosure.
Is it to get it off your chest? Is it in the hope others will feel less alone? Is it about showing off, garnering sympathy or engaging in some passive aggression?
Whatever the reason, make sure you are aware prior to unloading.
On social media, a worry shared is not always a worry halved.