MY DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND IS TWICE HER AGE Coleen says

Dear Coleen

BACK in March, my 21-year-old daughter moved in with her boyfriend. When I say “boy”, he’s actually 43 and far too old for her.

She’s always been headstrong and has made many bad decisions, but this one has trumped them all. He’s divorced with children from his marriage and I’ve only met him once, and I didn’t like him. I don’t think he’s even serious about my daughter, he just likes having a young, pretty girl on his arm.

As for her, I can’t see why she’s attracted to him at all. He’s rude, arrogant and rough looking. However, she’s 21, so there’s really nothing I can do and she just says she’s happy and she’s fine.

I’m terrified this relationship will ruin her life and stop her finding a career or having a family, but she won’t listen to reason.

Do you have any advice?

WELL, you’re right that she’s an adult and free to make her own choices and you can’t force her to do anything.

I know you probably feel angry, but try not to show it when talking to your daughter because it’ll just alienate her and stop her from confiding in you or coming home if she needs to.

You can explain to her why you don’t think this relationship is good for her – and there are many. She might find she’s cut off from her social network and misses out on enjoying all the things 21-yearolds enjoy, and the age gap will only seem bigger as time goes on – how will she feel when he’s 53 and she’s still only 31? However, you also need to make it clear that you’re there to support her.

You might find she comes to the conclusion herself that it’s not going to work. Also, encourage her to keep her life going outside of this relationship, which will stop her becoming too reliant on him.