OLD PAL’S SHUNNED ME SINCE WE HAD SEX

Dear Coleen

I’M feeling rejected and confused after being shunned by a guy I was having a bit of a romance with.

He’s an old friend from university, but we never dated back then. We reconnected during lockdown like a lot of people and started messaging each other a lot and having late-night phone or video calls, and got along so well.

Then when lockdown was eased, we met up a couple of times and he came back to mine one night and we slept together. I thought it was great and the start of something good, but afterwards he totally ignored me.

I messaged him after he stayed the night and got no reply and he hasn’t replied to any messages since. I feel such a fool and I don’t understand why he’d suddenly cut me off like this. What’s so wrong with me? Can you help?

Coleen says

THERE’S nothing wrong with you – the issue is with him. And perhaps it’s as simple as him realising he didn’t want to make any kind of commitment and he was too much of a coward to tell you. Maybe he was trying to spare your feelings, but he’s actually made things a lot worse by not being upfront.

Don’t drive yourself mad thinking up scenarios about why he behaved like this or what you did or didn’t do. I’ve been shunned in the past by someone I thought was a good friend and it’s a horrible feeling because you start looking for reasons and you blame yourself.

I accepted that this person obviously had issues or was going through something, and there was nothing I could do about it other than to move on.

You don’t need someone in your life who has so little respect for your feelings, so don’t waste any more time thinking about him and focus on your future.