Skint wife secretly strips off for webcam women

Dear Coleen

I’M 35 and my wife is 36. Recently, I found out that since May she has taken on a second job as a webcam girl – and receives lots of messages from other women.

Basically, she strips down to her lingerie or swimwear.

She told me this herself and explained it like this: “I don’t like my current job working with mentally disabled adults, and the money I get now is good – look at my PayPal.”

Her regular job can’t be done at the moment for obvious reasons, so she’s furloughed and she hates it.

In total, she’s received around £12,500 worth of donations from members of the public, some in the US, some in France and some in Italy.

If I were doing this for other guys, she’d be furious.

I really love my wife and want the best for our marriage, but is this a form of cheating or am I making too much of it?

She says she’s embarrassed about it, but does it solely for money and ultimately wants to find another job more satisfying than her current one.

Now I know what my wife was really doing while “chatting to friends online” and, although I should be angry, it’s difficult because she’s been so open about it, although it was five months before she told me.

She isn’t normally this secretive, so embarrassment is the only reason I can come up with.

We normally have a good relationship, so what do I do next?

Coleen says

WHY can’t you be angry? I think it’s a natural reaction to feel anger because she’s kept something from you.

She’s broken the trust between you and she’s selling a sexualised image of herself to complete strangers online.

I think you’re right when you say she wouldn’t be happy if you were stripping off for other men, so ask her to imagine that and how she’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Then you have to talk about where you go from here. Would you be OK with her carrying on or do you want her to stop it? You also have to address why it took her five months to tell you.

I think what’s also nagging away at the back of your mind is the thought that she’s not just doing it for the money – that she gets something out of it too, and that’s bound to make you feel insecure about your relationship.

What is she getting from this webcam work that she’s not getting from you?

It’s hard to talk about this stuff, but now she’s been open about what she’s been doing, I think you have to use it to really talk about your relationship and if you both want the same thing moving forward.

Is this a form of cheating or am I making too much of it?