Anxiety got so bad I couldn’t go to door
Chart star Anne-Marie opens up to Rick Fulton about lockdown, fears and her YouTube documentary
CHART-TOPPING pop star Anne-Marie Nicholson has revealed that success sparked mental health problems.
The 29-year-old went to No1 singing on Clean Bandit’s Rockabye and had big hits with her songs, Friends and 2002.
She has also had a No3 album, Speak Your Mind, in 2018 but the singer was then struck with severe anxiety, which she still struggles with today.
Ann-Marie, who went from being an unsigned artist penning pop songs in her Essex bedroom to becoming an international star, said: “I’m a very stubborn person and I feel like this industry is quite hard for people like me as I’m always fighting against things.”
Unlike female pop stars of the early millennium, Anne-Marie feels able to express herself authentically to her fans, who she has dubbed “The Ninjas” in a nod to her love of martial arts.
She said: “Looking at artists like Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears, I don’t think the media or anyone gave them the opportunity to be like how they are allowed to be now. I feel we are so lucky to be able to be so honest. They were very filtered.”
Anne-Marie went solo in 2015 after travelling the world as British drum and bass band Rudimental’s touring vocalist.
But the resulting intense public scrutiny temporarily led her to become a recluse.
She said: “It’s a double-edged sword. My favourite part of being on my own and doing my own stuff was being able to talk about life and my own experiences.
“But the tough bit was people just looking at you.
“Walking on stage on my own made me think, ‘ Everyone’s staring at me, now I have a problem with people looking at me’. That then filtered into my home life and I got such bad anxiety I couldn’t even go to the door to get post or a food delivery.”
Lockdown has given her a chance to slow down, learn a little bit of Spanish and grow vegetables. But it has also uncovered underlying issues.
She said: “I’ve been struggling with being in the middle. I want to feel either really excited or really sad. I don’t want to just feel OK.
“I’m trying to feel comfortable being in the middle and not having to have an extreme emotion to feel OK. I’m trying to overcome that.”
Sharing her struggles has made her a role model to young women.
A new documentary, How To Be Anne-Marie, has been made and released on YouTube. It captures her post-ascendency lockdown in her London home, with a tour delayed into the new year.
It also follows her on an emotional visit to her former school in Essex, where she suffered at the hands of bullies.
She said: “I’d never been back there since I left school and didn’t want to think about it at all ever again. It was quite an extreme thing to revisit that place.
“But I always love going back to Essex. My parents are there and I love seeing them.
“I also have good memories of Essex so it’s not all bad. I feel like that is what made me who I am – what I experienced in Essex and what I experienced at school.”
How To Be Anne-Marie is not a gloomy watch and is buoyed by her upbeat charm.
It ends on an optimistic note as she reveals she is ready to re-enter therapy.
She said: “I tried to do it a couple of years ago. I had about two sessions and was like, ‘I’ve got everything off my chest now, I’m fine’.
“But I slowly realised that maybe wasn’t the right thing to stop doing. I finally found a new person and think you just have to find the right person as well.”
How To Be Anne-Marie is available on YouTube now.