MY WIFE GETS SO ANGRY WITH OUR KIDS

Dear Coleen

I’M a man in my 30s and my wife and I have two young children aged four and six.

My problem is, my wife gets so angry with the kids and it’s making the atmosphere at home terrible.

She has no patience with them at all and everything ends up in a screaming match and a load of door slamming from her.

I’ve tried to talk about it and I’m a hands-on dad but nothing seems to work. She says that the kids are badly behaved because they’re spoiled and there’s not enough discipline at home.

I’m a fairly laid-back and relaxed parent but I don’t see what’s wrong with that – it’s better than her approach, which is just to shout. Can you help?

Coleen says

THIS sounds very stressful. I wonder if she’s always been like this with the kids or if it’s fairly new? Either way, I think you need to try to get to the bottom of why she’s so angry and encourage her to talk about it in order to find a solution.

Be honest and tell her that you can’t carry on living like this and that you need to find a way to work it out, so home is a happier place for all of you. Why isn’t she coping? Is your relationship OK, could she be depressed or anxious? I think unless she is able to reflect on why she’s feeling angry so much of the time, then it’s going to be hard to sort it out.

In terms of coping with her anger in the moment, she can make a conscious decision to leave the room before she starts shouting and slamming doors. And there are other things she can do to help herself such as relaxation techniques and exercises – apps, yoga, mindfulness or anything else that helps her to de-stress.

This will have a positive knock-on effect when it comes to coping with the kids.

Ask her how you can help and be a calm, steady presence for your children.