PROPOSAL WENT DOWN LIKE LEAD BALLOON

Dear Coleen

I’M a guy aged 30 and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been together for three years, have a great relationship and moved in together in September 2019.

I’d been thinking of asking her to marry me for a while, so last weekend I planned the proposal. I cooked dinner, got a catalogue of engagement rings delivered from an upmarket jewellery store and put it in an envelope with a letter saying, “Pick one. Pick me”.

But when I handed her the envelope at dinner and then got down on one knee to propose, she didn’t say anything. Then she said: “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.” Then she started waffling about how lovely it was and that she needed time to take it in.

I was gutted. She’s a cautious person but I never thought she’d react like that. Any ideas?

Coleen says

AH, I feel for you – it’s crushing to get that reaction.

I know some people would say that if she didn’t say yes straight away then she doesn’t want to be with you and you might as well call it quits.

Well, I don’t think that’s true. Maybe she was shocked or maybe this horrible year with all its uncertainty has made her unsure about making any plans, especially if she’s a cautious person by nature. Maybe she has some doubts and wants to talk them out.

I think what’s important now is that you’re honest with each other.

Admit to her that you feel hurt and disappointed, and ask her what’s stopping her from saying yes.

I know it’s hard to ask these questions because you don’t want to hear any negative replies, but it’s important.

Trust me, the most successful relationships are built on honesty and open communication. And if turns out that you build a good life together, so what if it wasn’t a fairytale proposal? It’ll be a good anecdote for the future!