AWAY FROM BED SHE FLINCHES IF I TOUCH HER

Dear Coleen

I MET a lovely woman online three months ago – I’m 70 and she’s 60. We clicked straight away and our sex life is fantastic.

However, outside of the bedroom she doesn’t like any sort of physical contact – she actually flinches when I touch her. She also makes mean comments and awful put-downs at my expense.

I know she’s been hurt in the past but I can’t get close to her – except during sex, and the minute she’s satisfied it’s like I don’t exist.

I’m falling in love but I want more than mind-blowing sex.

I’m being patient but there’s been no progress.

How do I get her to believe me and trust me?

She says all men are the same, but I’m honest, faithful and treat her with respect.

At the moment I feel quite intimidated by her unless we’re having sex. I don’t want to lose her though. Can you help?

Coleen says

I GET the impression that she’s been badly hurt by a partner in the past and perhaps has been in an abusive relationship – I’m thinking about her flinching when you touch her.

It’s clear she’s built a big barrier to protect herself from getting hurt, hence the tough talk.

I think all you can do is be honest with her. Tell her you’re not “that” guy and you’re willing to be patient with her because you understand she’s been hurt, but that you do want more than just a sexual relationship.

Three months isn’t that long, so I’d persevere if you really like her.

Be consistent and show her you’re interested in her as a person and that it’s not just about sex for you. Give her some time and space to open up to you and for the relationship to develop. Ask her what she wants from you and how she sees things going.