Dad’s dumped us to spend Christmas with girlfriend
Dear Coleen
MY DAD is 67 and split up from my mum 20 years ago. Since then he’s had a few relationships, some serious, some not. However, it seems he’s been dating someone he’s serious about for several months, but didn’t tell my sister and me.
What’s worse, he’s now told us that he’s “bubbling up” with her and her children at Christmas, so he won’t be able to see us. She’s 50 and a divorcee with two kids aged 10 and 13.
To say I’m hurt and offended is an understatement. My mum lives abroad, so we won’t be seeing her and I was looking forward to spending the holidays with my dad, along with my husband and our 18-month old baby.
It’s too late now to make plans to spend Christmas day with anyone else. My younger sister has decided to spend the holidays with friends, and I feel angry with my dad for not giving me more notice.
I also find it really weird that he never told us about this woman or how serious their relationship is.
I’m starting to worry he’s losing his marbles or is he just so besotted by this woman that he’s forgotten he has his own family? I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
I CAN feel the anger in your letter! What are you more annoyed about – the fact you won’t see him at Christmas or the fact he didn’t tell you about his girlfriend?
Maybe he’d been worrying about telling you about Christmas, so kept putting it off until it was quite late in the day. I don’t know why he hasn’t told you about his partner – again, maybe he was worried about how you’d react and if the fact she’s younger and with fairly young children might cause a problem. Or maybe he wanted to wait until he felt sure about the relationship before telling you about it.
This year has thrown up many dilemmas for people, so I’d take a deep breath and try to get it into perspective. I think it’s OK to speak to him and say you’re disappointed not to be seeing him and ask why he hadn’t told you about this relationship. I don’t think seething about it on your own is going to get you anywhere.
He might be 67, but he’s not over the hill and he deserves a life of his own, and that includes a relationship. You and your sister are getting on with your lives, so why shouldn’t he do the same?
Seventeen years is quite an age gap, but his partner is still a mature woman who’s been married before, and I’m sure she’s really thought about this relationship, especially as she has the wellbeing of her two children to consider.
Don’t let it spoil your relationship with your dad – or Christmas for that matter. Hopefully, in the New Year, you’ll be able to meet his partner and get to know her, which might be reassuring.
I’m so hurt. It’s now too late to make other plans