I’m furious well-off in-laws are so stingy with the kids

Dear Coleen

I HAVE a real problem with my sister-inlaw when it comes to gifting. She and her husband don’t have any children and have good jobs, and a lot more money than my husband and me.

We have two children and my sister-in-law and her hubby are godparents to our son. However, she’s never once bought either of our children a gift, although she sometimes sends a birthday card (when she remembers), and I know that it’ll be the same this Christmas.

I’m steeling myself for the inevitable row with my husband over what to buy them. The thing is, my husband always insists on buying something for his sister and her hubby for Christmas – some nice wine for example – which annoys me.

He’s even called me petty before for having a problem with it. It’s caused massive arguments between us because I really object to buying them anything when they ignore our children.

My younger brother is a student and has virtually no money, yet he always makes an effort to get the kids something.

Am I overreacting? I want to get some perspective before I tell my husband we’re not doing it this year!

Coleen says

AT Christmas I buy presents for every member of my family and extended family, including all the kids and their kids. But they don’t all reciprocate and I’m perfectly fine with that.

Some won’t be able to afford to buy for anyone apart from their own immediate family. I actually prefer to give than receive gifts and, if it makes your husband feel better and he doesn’t mind doing it, then it might help you to just let it go.

I don’t know why your sister-in-law doesn’t acknowledge your kids in this way. Maybe it’s because she and her hubby don’t have kids, so don’t really get it or maybe they just don’t do gifts.

Also, there could be something deeper at play – maybe she’s been struggling to start a family and it pains her to acknowledge someone else’s kids.

I cannot tell you what her reasons are but I’m fairly sure at some point your kids will ask why their auntie and uncle never buy them pressies, so maybe they could ask them.

I’m sure your kids have everything they need, so don’t fall out with your hubby over this. Instead, why not think what a great person he is to give a gift out of love without expecting or wanting anything in return?

They have never bought gifts for our two children