HUBBY’S TOO WORRIED ABOUT HIS LOVER

Dear Coleen

RECENTLY, I found out that my husband of six years has been having an affair with a married mutual friend. I went mad, chucked all his stuff out of the bedroom window (horrible cliché, I know) and screamed at him to leave.

Since then, he’s been sleeping over at his mum’s house and that is where he can stay for the foreseeable, as far as I’m concerned.

It’s awful because, despite feeling so betrayed by both of them, I still love my husband. But he managed to twist the knife more after begging for a second chance and adding that he just needed a “bit of time” to talk to the other woman because he didn’t want to just “cut her off”.

He clearly cares more about her feelings than he does about mine. I’m too angry to think straight – do you have any advice?

Coleen says

WELL, you have a right to be angry. I always think it’s best not to make any knee-jerk decisions when you’re angry. However, how much time does he need to tell this woman it’s over?

If he wants to be with you and to try to repair the damage he’s caused, then he needs to call her and end the affair immediately.

Be careful this “bit of time” he needs isn’t a tactic for keeping his options open and testing the water with this woman to find out how serious she is about leaving her hubby!

As for rebuilding your marriage, you have a lot of talking to do before knowing whether you can make it work.

Once the dust has settled a bit, you need to have honest conversations about why he had the affair, and whether you can overcome these issues and trust him again. It’ll take time and possibly therapy and, at the end of it, you still might decide it’s time to call it quits and move on.

You say you love him but you need to be able to trust him and he has a lot of work to do. It should start with him picking up the phone ASAP and ending things with this woman.