I love her but she won’t stop talking about flash ex-fiance

Dear Coleen

MY girlfriend is constantly comparing me to her ex-fiance, which I’m getting sick of. I have mentioned it to her in the past, but she just says: “Don’t be silly – I hardly mention him”, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s like she hero-worships this guy, even though he left her. He had a glamorous job as a pilot, but was pretty full of himself, if you ask me.

And she seems to have conveniently forgotten all the times he treated her badly and went AWOL for days without contacting her, and that he dumped her, leaving her angry and heartbroken at the time.

But any time there’s a TV programme on about holidays or airports or anything relating to her ex at all, she’ll mention him. She basically uses any excuse to drop him into conversation.

We’ve been together for just over two years now, so I can’t believe this is still going on. I was going to ask her to marry me, but even though I love her, I can’t face a lifetime of being compared to this other guy.

How can I get this message through to her without coming across as insecure and pathetic?

Coleen says

I DON’T think you should worry about coming across as insecure and pathetic – it’s entirely reasonable to not want your girlfriend constantly talking about her ex. Just be honest – tell her you’d been thinking about marriage, but you don’t want to spend a lifetime in someone’s shadow.

To give her the benefit of doubt, maybe she genuinely doesn’t realise how often she mentions him, so every time she does, that’s when you should pick her up on it and say: “Oh, there he is again”.

There’s no reason to row over it – simply point out that she talks about him loads and you don’t want to be anyone’s second best.

You want to be with someone who wants to be with you and not her ex-boyfriend. She shouldn’t need reminding why they broke up, but remind her.

The fact is, I think anyone would become insecure if their partner constantly brought up an ex and talked about them in glowing terms.

Of course you’re going to think: “Does she still want to be with him?” It’s down to her to make you feel loved and secure, and she’s not doing that.

She hero worships him, but he dumped her