Should I wed guy who’s nasty about my family?

Dear Coleen

I’VE been with my fiance for three years and we’re planning to get married next year, although we have yet to make any arrangements. I do love him, but I have a real problem with the way he talks about my family.

Our backgrounds are very different – his family is very conservative and straitlaced, whereas my parents are liberal. They’re divorced and both are remarried, and I have three siblings and several step-siblings.

A couple of my siblings have made bad choices, it’s true, but my fiance is so nasty about them. He also called my dad a “grifter who drinks too much”, which really hurt.

He basically doesn’t have a good word to say about any of them.

We obviously haven’t seen much of them over the past year, but he still likes to have a dig. I want to see my family as soon as restrictions are lifted, but I doubt my fiance will want to be a part of it.

I’ve done my best to ignore his comments and let them wash over me, but I’m carrying all this rage inside and I’m not sure I want to marry a man who can be so unkind.

What’s the best way to handle this?

Coleen says

DON’T ignore his comments. Whatever he thinks of your family, he should love and respect you enough not to badmouth them because, of course, it’s going to hurt.

I think you need to get serious and tell him his attitude is making you rethink your relationship and your forthcoming marriage. Explain you’re well aware of how he feels and you don’t want to keep hearing it. Then it’s up to him.

He might not agree with your family’s choices or understand their lifestyle but you still love them, you’re not going to stop seeing them and they will be at your wedding.

We can’t always get on with our in-laws, but in most cases – unless they’ve done something unforgivable – it should be possible to be polite and respectful when we’re in their company. Your fiance needs to look at the bigger picture and realise that in the long term, no one benefits from creating a division.

And it would be wise to talk this through and resolve the issue now before you walk down the aisle.

“He doesn’t have a good word to say about them