TOP TIPS TO PREVENT CONFLICT

Divide up the house Define clear zones in your home. Keep games to living areas and bedrooms calm.

Plan rewards Reward positive behaviour with specific praise and one-on-one time.

Clear consequences

Fighting, aggression and refusing to follow instructions should be met with calm, clear consequences. This could include losing a privilege.

Hold family meetings Involve the entire household, listen to your children’s opinions and keep it fun. Kids like to feel part of the process.

Don’t be the referee

Trying to find out who started it, and who did what to whom, can reinforce bickering. Refuse to take sides.

AHEAD of Mother’s Day on Sunday, a survey has found that while mums invest a whole day a week in their adult children, listening, advising and doing activities together, nearly one in three (29 per cent) say their kids only say thank you via text message. The poll from Serenata Flowers also revealed the ways mums would like to be thanked when lockdown restrictions are ended. A family night together came top of the list (36 per cent), closely followed by going for a meal or a shopping trip. You know what you have to do, kids!

Dear Coleen

I’M a 50-year-old man, I’ve been married for 23 years and we have two children aged 19 and 21.

I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for a long time and for at least 10 years we’ve been companions more than anything else. Until lockdown happened we lived pretty separate lives.

Being together so much has only made me more certain that the marriage isn’t right and that I need to leave – for her sake as much as mine.

I’m unhappy and although I’ve tried various things to make our relationship better, it never works and I just want a divorce.

My problem is, I’ve suggested it a few times and she’s gone mad – accused me of abandoning her and the kids and being a bad husband. I don’t know how I can get her to accept the situation and see our marriage for what it is. Can you help?

Coleen says

IT’S very sad but you can’t stay with someone because of emotional blackmail or out of guilt. It’s painful, but ultimately I think you need to help her see that if you stayed, it wouldn’t change how you feel and you’d still be unhappy and want out.

Does she really want to live with someone who doesn’t want to be with her?

That’s very damaging for her self-esteem.

I think relationship counselling could help you to work through things and ease your way to a separation if she’d agree.

Is it going to be easy? No. Even mutual break-ups can be fraught and you have to accept she’ll be angry and hurt.

Hopefully, if you stick to your guns and ensure you’re both being supported, she’ll come to accept the situation, even if it’s not what she wants.

Good luck.