Rude brother is ruining family life

Dear Coleen

MY brother is tearing my family apart. He is only 12 but he’s the rudest child I’ve ever come across. He shows no appreciation and instead calls us idiots and stupid, and never lets us put our point across without butting in, “OK, but did I ask?” and “Do I care?”.

He sits around all day playing Fortnite, bursts into my room to cause trouble and aggravate me until my parents yell at me. He does the same thing with my parents and is the chief cause of rows between them.

He takes stuff that we’re using and is constantly disrespectful and rude to my mum.

I hate it so much – he’s ruining my life and spoiling things for all of us. I’m only 16 and don’t go a day without crying because of him.

What’s even more annoying is that my parents still spoil him and spend a fortune on him. I’ve told them many times to discipline him, but they never do anything. Is it because he’s a boy or that he’s younger?

I’ve tried to give him the silent treatment but he just ends up annoying me and then I get told off. Our family would be perfect if it weren’t for him. Please help.

Coleen says

I CAN feel the frustration in your message. It sounds as if your mum and dad have a hard time parenting your brother and end up giving in to him to keep the peace or for an easy life. We all know this short-term gain leads to long-term pain because, as long as he’s getting away with it, he’ll just act up.

Unfortunately, boundaries should have been in place earlier, but of course it’s never too late to do this. If you’re able to have a calm, grown-up heart-to-heart with your parents, try explaining how the situation impacts on you and how sad you are that everyone ends up fighting and feeling upset because of your brother’s constant bad behaviour.

In terms of consequences, the key is sticking to them and not caving in until he’s thought about his behaviour and proves he can be trusted again. So if it’s Fortnite he loves, then a consequence could be removing the game until he deserves to have it back.

But your parents have to agree on the consequences and not give in, even if he shouts and screams and makes everyone’s life hell. This is short-term pain for long-term gain.

I think your tactic of not taking the bait when he tries to wind you up is right, and if you feel yourself about to react, remove yourself from the room.

Don’t give him the chance to irritate you and hopefully he will soon get bored of trying.

I don’t know if you’re planning to go to uni but, if so, then in a couple of short years he’ll be your parents’ problem and not yours.

“I cry every day but my parents never discipline him