Am I alone in believing marriage is best thing?

Dear Coleen

“He says no one bothers getting wed these days

I’M a man of 79 and my wife passed away four years ago. We’d been married for 52 years and had three daughters together, who are now all married and have their own families and homes.

Recently, my eldest grandson called to tell me his girlfriend is pregnant and they’re living together – and have been for the past three or four years.

I asked him if he was planning to marry his girlfriend for the sake of the baby and he just said he might do in the future.

During my youth and since, I’ve considered marriage to be the ideal and done thing, but was I living under a cloud and am I still living under it?

My grandson carried on to explain that marriage is old-fashioned and no one bothers these days, and they call each other “partners”.

I’m flexible enough to go along with this plan and think it cannot be such a bad thing to move on when things start to get hard-going in a partnership – if there’s no marriage certificate, it’s a case of pack your bags and go.

But surely being married must have some benefits, as opposed to this lackadaisical approach conveniently used today? I’d appreciate your views.

Coleen says

I THINK we have a good old-fashioned generation gap here! But I love that you’re flexible enough to see your grandson’s point of view. And how lovely that he talks to you about these things.

Of course attitudes change with the times and I don’t think young people feel under as much pressure to get married – it’s also expensive. Here’s the thing, I think it’s far better to take your time and marry for the right reasons, than feel pressured into it because it’s “what’s expected” or, even worse, get married because you want the big party, the honeymoon and the gifts and think, “Well, we can just get divorced if it doesn’t work out”. You’d be surprised how many people do the latter and don’t put enough thought into what it means or why they’re doing it.

I think marriage can be wonderful – it’s a commitment to supporting each other through thick and thin and building a life together. But, as I know myself, divorce – even if you’re on good terms with your spouse – is painful and complicated.

So, if your grandson and his partner want to take their time making that decision, then I really don’t see that as a bad thing.

They’ve already made a commitment to each other by bringing a child into the world and I’m sure that’ll keep them busy for a while.

Congratulations on your soon-toarrive great-grandchild – and keep talking to your grandson.

I’m sure you could learn a thing or two from each other.