Almost 50 and after all this time I haven’t met ‘the one’
Dear Coleen
I’M A man who is fast approaching 50 and I’ve failed to meet my life partner. I’m quite an outgoing person, I have interests and hobbies, a good job and a wide network of friends, but I’ve never met a woman to settle down with.
I’ve had relationships over the years – mostly short-lived – but none have worked out.
The pattern seems to be that I’ll date someone for a while and then it becomes apparent to me that we’re not compatible and I’m usually the one to end it.
I think I’m always looking for that special someone. I’ve been thinking recently that maybe I give up too easily on people and should persevere.
During the lockdowns I’ve been on my own, while my mates have been surrounded by their kids and partners, and it’s felt lonely. I’ve never been more envious of their lives.
However, I’m wondering if I should just throw in the towel and give up looking for my soulmate – maybe she just doesn’t exist. Perhaps I need to accept the fact that I’m going to be on my own.
I feel at a crossroads in life and don’t know what to do next – if anything – and I’d appreciate some advice.
Coleen says
THERE’S nothing like turning 50 to make you assess your life – what you’ve achieved and what you want to achieve. Certainly for me, 50 was a turning point. It focused my mind and made me decide to move on from situations that weren’t working for me.
The thing is, if you decide to take a step back from looking for the one, maybe you’ll meet her. Sometimes when you’re so focused on finding something, you can’t see the wood for the trees.
The good thing is, you’ve coped as a single guy – you have a full life and lots of friends. So, if you don’t meet your soulmate, you still have those things and you can still date if the opportunity arises.
I also think lowering your expectations when you’re dating is a good idea – what I mean by that is, don’t put so much pressure on yourself and the relationship for it to be perfect and the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life. That’s a lot of pressure.
Yes, I believe in love at first sight and people clicking instantly and knowing their partner is the one almost from the start, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
Some relationships take time to grow and it might be worth giving your next relationship the opportunity to do that.
Oh, and PS, I bet your mates were driven mad by their kids in lockdown.
During the lockdowns I’ve envied my mates