SHUNNED BECAUSE OF MY JAILBIRD SON

Dear Coleen

TO the woman who is tempted to go back to her abusive ex, don’t! (Dear Coleen, March 11). You ask why you are tempted? You are trauma-bonded, addicted to the hormones that are created by abuse and the temporary periods of calm. Get professional help, as well as support from friends and family.

Rosemary, via email

SADLY, my eldest son is doing time in prison at the moment. I won’t go into the circumstances because I don’t want to draw any more attention to myself or my family.

He’s doing OK but I am finding it really tough.

Friends I’ve had all my life have shunned me, although people I didn’t expect to be compassionate have been wonderful. I’ve felt judged and cut off – I guess some of my friends wonder why my son turned out the way he did and that it must be something to do with how he was brought up.

I live in a nice area and having a jailbird as a son isn’t seen as acceptable. My husband tells me I just need to ignore these people, but it’s a fairly small community, so it’s not that easy.

I would love some advice.

Coleen says

THIS is a tough situation – while your son is protected from that kind of judgment while he’s in prison, you and the rest of the family are suffering.

Your son is an adult and is responsible for his own choices, so please don’t blame yourself. As for these old friends who’ve abandoned you, well they’ve shown their true colours.

They’re more worried about being judged themselves within their social circle than supporting a friend who’s clearly hurting.

Let them go. But other people have been there for you and these people are your friends. Rely on them for companionship, support and advice.

It is hard to ignore comments or snubs and not feel judged but I think the more you surround yourself with good, strong people, the easier it’ll become.

You could talk to a counsellor, who won’t judge you and there are also support groups for offenders’ families.

Visit prisonersfamilies.org or call the helpline on 0808 808 2003.