I’M DOOMED NEVER TO MEET MR RIGHT
Dear Coleen
I’M a woman in my 30s and, over the past few years, I’ve had several really bad relationships with men, which have ended in failure.
I constantly think about what happened and what I did wrong, and I feel doomed to never have a successful and happy relationship.
Do I just keep picking the wrong men?
I now have no confidence in my choices and I’ve become resigned to thinking I must be a terrible judge of character.
I’m pretty happy and successful in other parts of my life – I have nice friends, a job I love and a supportive family.
Why can’t I find a man? Am I
Coleen says
WHY are you assuming you did something wrong in these relationships? Stop blaming yourself and think about things in a different way.
You talk about these relationships as failed, but I think it’s more of a failure to stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy. Instead of focusing on failure, why not think of them as relationships that didn’t work out in the long-term because you weren’t compatible, but you can learn something from them and move on.
If you become obsessed by ‘getting things right’ with the next guy, that’s going to put an awful lot of pressure on you. And things might go the same way if that’s what you’re expecting.
Instead, try to enter into the next relationship with a completely clean slate without any expectations.
Then, when you do meet someone who’s right for you, these past relationships won’t hold the same significance.