How to fix your family fallouts
Healing a rift with relatives is never easy but these tips could help you smooth things over with loved ones
WHILE they live their lives in the spotlight, ultimately, the Royals are a family unit. And, just like the rest of us, they fall out occasionally.
The difference is that the public often hears about royal family problems – especially when highly-publicised TV tell-all interviews take place, like when the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Harry claimed his father had stopped taking his calls, there were allegations an unnamed royal had raised concerns about their son Archie’s skin colour, and that the monarchy had failed to support Meghan with her mental health struggles.
The family came together for the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral on Saturday, where William and Harry were seen chatting. Clearly any rift wasn’t insurmountable, and social psychologist Dr Sandra Wheatley says all fall outs can be healed, as long as everyone wants to make things better.
Here’s how to smooth over the cracks in any family problems...
Forget the timescale
“Quite often with the passage of time, we realise we make mistakes and we’re all fallible, and that sometimes things are our fault, too,” said Dr Wheatley.
Ask yourself if it’s worth carrying this on
Dr Wheatley said: “You may experience a feeling of regret. Is it really worth losing a close family member who’d be there for you, and has been there for you in the past, just because of something that seemed quite important at the time, but on reflection, actually isn’t?”
Be prepared to accept rejection
You may have to be prepared for any attempt at reconciliation not to work. Dr Wheatley said: “You have to be brave, put yourself out there and accept the fact that if you get your timing wrong, they’re likely to say no.”
Be honest with yourself
Don’t just blame it on your relative. Dr Wheatley said: “If there were things you now wish you’d done differently, think about how you can do them differently from now on.”
Get another opinion
Ask someone you’re close to what their assessment of the situation is. “Finding someone you trust who can say you were a bit of an idiot, if you were, is the next step,” says Dr Wheatley. “Say things out loud, rather than just in your head.”
Ask how you can make things better
You may need to apologise and seek forgiveness, but remember your relative may not give it. “Think about how resilient you are and how much you’ll be able to cope with, in terms of them chucking a bit of honesty your way,” said Dr Wheatley.
Don’t just insist you’re right
“Blaming someone for your troubles is never helpful,” said Dr Wheatley, “but you may need to say to them, ‘If you keep doing this, you’re going to end up lonely, and I don’t think you should be in that situation’.
“Often this comes from a place of caring but sometimes sounds like you’re bossing them about and, quite often, that doesn’t go down well. But if you’re willing to listen as much as you speak, then you’ve got a good chance.”
Remember this might not resolve itself quickly
“Accept that nothing is perfect,” advised Wheatley, “and that even if you identify the cause of the problem, it doesn’t mean it no longer exists, but hopefully you won’t repeat it.”