GIRLS CAN’T SEE HOW THEIR MUM HURT ME

Dear Coleen

MY wife and I separated a few months ago after she told me she was in love with someone else – a friend we’ve both known for several years.

I was heartbroken, but there was no going back for either of us. She’s now living with this man.

Even if she’d wanted to stay with me, I know I couldn’t have moved on from it, so it’s over.

My problem is, we have two teenage daughters and they stay with me most weekends and with their mother and her partner the rest of the time.

I don’t think they realise just how hurt I am over this – and they have never acknowledged what their mother had done to me and to our family.

I know they love me but they often drop into conversation what they’ve been doing at their mum’s (often involving this guy) and it still hurts.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

YOUR daughters aren’t going to switch off their feelings for their mum despite what she’s done – I’m sure you know that – and they won’t want to take sides because they love you both. I’m sure they know you’re hurt but maybe they’re trying to keep things as normal as possible for you and for themselves.

Maybe they’re worried about bringing things up with you because they don’t want to upset you.

However, you can explain what you’re finding hard and that hearing about this other guy still hurts.

I’m sure when they know this, they’ll be more sensitive.

It’s a new situation for all of you and emotions are still raw, so it will take time and some honest conversations to get to a better place.

Good luck.