Cheating ex wants me back after split
Dear Coleen
MY EX has been in touch recently pleading for another chance. I told him to pack his bags about a year ago after several affairs over the years and never being present for our children.
At the time, he was very defensive, wouldn’t take responsibility for how he’d behaved and had the cheek to say he was looking forward to the single life after being stuck with me for 10 years.
I was angry and weary of his constant lies but, although I was glad to see the back of him, of course I felt sorry for my children and, despite his behaviour, I still had feelings for him.
Over the past year, I’ve picked myself up, which hasn’t been easy in lockdown, and have even chatted to guys via dating apps, which has given me some hope for the future.
But it’s difficult as I’m in contact with my ex quite a lot because of the kids and it makes me think about how things would be if we gave it another shot. I’d love my family to be back together. He says he’s single and realises he’s messed up big time.
I don’t know whether I’m just having a weak moment and feeling sentimental after a tough year or if I genuinely want to give it a go. Help, I’m confused.
Coleen says
I UNDERSTAND how hard it is when you’re a parent and the guilt you feel when your marriage doesn’t work out, but what makes you think he’s changed and is willing to accept responsibility?
Can you really move on after his affairs? After all, you’ve done a great job on your own and things will only get better from now on, especially as life is opening up again.
Don’t take him back because you’re worried you have no other options – you do – or because he’s finally realised the grass isn’t greener. You have to remember why you asked him to leave and how angry and weary you were at the time.
It’s not easy as a single parent but, when I was in that situation, I found friends and family were always willing to step in with support. Don’t be worried about reaching out to them.
But, if you do give it another shot, don’t jump in feet first – take it very slowly until you feel confident you can trust him. Remember, he needs to do a lot of work to earn your trust and own what he did.
Relationship counselling would be the way to go to work out whether it’s what you want.
“He said he was looking forward to being single