STRUGGLING TO LEAVE USELESS HUSBAND

I HAVE nothing good to say about my husband or my marriage. We’ve been married for 35 years and I’m now 60 and want out.

He’s lazy, takes no care of himself, doesn’t care what I think about him, is miserable all the time, causes arguments over nothing and it’s depressing to live with him.

I have tried over the years to get him to be interested in things and take some pride in himself, but he’d rather just watch telly, drink beer and lie around.

Our kids have left home and even my daughter has told me to get a divorce because it’s clear neither of us is happy.

But why do I feel guilty about leaving him?

I can’t seem to get out of this rut and out of the marriage.

Coleen says

I THINK it is hard to make that decision when you’ve been together a long time, even if you know it’s for the best.

Guilt is involved, but I also think it’s quite scary to branch out on your own, particularly when you’re a bit older and have been with the same person for a long time. I felt that myself when my second marriage ended a few years ago.

Usually, I’d advise couples to try relationship counselling before throwing in the towel to see if there’s a way forward, but it sounds as if it’s gone past that point for you. But I think counselling could be good for you to help work through these feelings of guilt and fear, and to give you the strength to move on by yourself.

Counselling is what helped me find the confidence to walk away from my first marriage.

Of course, there’s always a chance that when you tell your husband you want a divorce, it’ll be a wake-up call and he will make positive changes.

I guess it’s then up to you to decide whether that’s what you want and if you can trust him.