Husband won’t talk after I racked up massive debt

Dear Coleen

I’VE had a huge argument with my husband over money and I don’t think there’s a way back from it.

He basically works all hours, so I’ve always dealt with our finances and I’ve racked up a lot of debt over the past two or three years.

I don’t know why – I think I was lonely when we moved house (I don’t work and we have no kids) – and I just tried to buy myself out of the misery, purchasing things for the house, expensive holidays and so on.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I confessed to him last week and he hit the roof. He said he couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid and that I’d betrayed him. He said we might have to sell our house because of this, and now he isn’t talking to me.

I knew he’d be upset, but I didn’t bargain on divorce talk – I thought he might understand that I was unhappy. He’s angry and I don’t know what I can say to him to diffuse it. He simply doesn’t want to know.

Have you any idea how I can get through to him? I still love him and I’m sure he still loves me, but he’s just angry over what I’ve done.

I’d love your help.

Coleen says

I THINK you have to let him feel the way he’s feeling – angry and afraid that he could lose everything he’s worked so hard for. And rather than just saying sorry, be more pragmatic and try to work out what you can do to make things right.

Speak to a financial adviser and the bank or get in touch with a debt charity such as Stepchange, which offers advice and support on the best way to manage and consolidate your debt.

If you can have a calm conversation, try to explain how you were feeling at the time and that you were in a bad place.

It would also help if you could find something for yourself to fill your time, ideally a part-time or full-time job, which would also mean you could contribute to paying off the debt. At the moment, the burden is on him to get you out of this mess. Even volunteering would give you something to focus on and give you a purpose.

I think if you were proactive in trying to remedy things, he might start to feel differently.

He hit the roof and said we might have to sell the house