9 minors in a Morris and enough berries to make you sick.. those were the days
HOW do you fit four elephants into a Mini? According to the old school playground joke, it’s very simple – two in the front and two in the back.
And how do you fit nine kids into a Morris Minor?
Well, I’ve still no idea how the hell he managed it but that’s EXACTLY what my dad did one afternoon back in 1980.
He crammed me and my wee pals from our street in Motherwell into his clapped-out motor (in fairness, kids were a lot thinner back then) and took us on a trip to Calderpark Zoo (RIP). Imagine the reaction nowadays if that car had been stopped by the cops?
My dad will be 88 next week and some of my old chums – now grown men, of course, with their own children – still fondly remember the various escapades he organised.
Another belter was a walk – yes, a WALK – from Motherwell to Glasgow one Sunday. And the return journey back home – on the train – actually took LONGER.
Why? Well, one of my pals (and I won’t use his name to protect the identity of a scaredy cat) was absolutely TERRIFIED of the escalator at Central Station – he’d never been on one before – and it took about four hours to coax him on to it.
Think of The A-Team trying to get Mr T on a plane and you won’t be too wide of the mark.
Another favourite of my dad’s was a bicycle run up the Clyde Valley to pick strawberries. About a dozen of us would descend on the summer crop like a plague of locusts and, if memory serves, not a single punnet was ever purchased.
One pal was so terrified of escalators it took us four hours to coax him on
Nope, we basically gorged on the berries until we felt sick… and then cycled back to Motherwell.
Must admit I recently felt a sense of guilt all these years later when I read about the plight of soft fruit producers in Scotland.
Thanks to the pandemic, foreign pickers can’t fly here (for the second year on the bounce, remember) and only 10 per cent of the workforce are locals.
So what do you think, folks? By way of an apology some 40 years later, do you think I should volunteer my services? My dad organised these memorable days out basically because he hated the idea of youngsters sitting in the house all day watching telly.
It’s an issue that’s a helluva lot worse nowadays – don’t forget, we only had three channels while today’s youngsters have Sky, Netflix, Disney Plus, etc, etc at their disposal – and that’s why I was delighted to read one particular story this week.
Apparently, thanks to lockdown, 90 per cent of parents say kids now LOVE playing outside.
So, could Covid have been responsible
for something GOOD? The top three outdoor activities, incidentally, were feeding the ducks, climbing trees and making daisy chains.
Changed days, eh? Give me illegal trips in cars, 20-mile hikes and spewing up strawberries any day of the week…
I’m sure we’ve all got a favourite Covid-related story and the one I heard from a fella in Glasgow this week goes straight to the top of my list.
A keen biker, he took a run up the A83 to Oban last summer with one of his pals.
Unfortunately, the local constabulary did a wee check on their motorcycle plates, discovered they were up from Glasgow and – with the nation in lockdown – they were politely ordered to get their backsides straight back down the road.
A few days later, this guy’s mate fancied another run out on the motorbikes… to Oban! And how did they manage it? Well, as they were getting ready to leave in the morning, he appeared with a couple of Just Eat delivery bags…! That’s genius. Meanwhile, I see a new Covid treatment could help prevent hospitals from being overwhelmed this winter.
It’s called Ronapreve and, when Donald Trump contracted the virus last autumn, it apparently saved his life.
Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of it…