I’m isolated, my health is a mess.. what’s the point?

Dear Coleen

I’M a 60-year-old woman and the mother of two adult boys. I don’t have much contact with either of them but that’s probably my fault – it’s usually the mum’s fault, right? They tell me it is. I have two grandchildren and consequently don’t see much of them either.

I’ve got type 2 diabetes, which I’m not in control of, I had a stroke last year and have problems with my bladder and bowels. I also get constant pains in my arms and my legs.

My husband works but I don’t have a job because of my failing health.

I have no friends, so I don’t get out much either but my real problem is that I don’t know what I’m doing in my life, or what the point of it is. I feel so lonely.

I don’t mean to sound depressed and I do know there are thousands of people who are worse off than me. I am sure I should be thankful for a lot of things but I can’t think of a halfway decent reason to carry on the way I am. Can you help?

Coleen says

I have no friends and no contact with my children

YOU have to reach out for support from friends and professionals but the first step has to come from you. You sound in a terrible rut and very low, so go back to your GP as soon as you can and be honest about how you feel mentally.

Your doctor might suggest counselling or even medication. And ask what lifestyle changes you can make to help control the type 2 diabetes.

I genuinely think that once you start taking control, you’ll gain confidence, your mood will improve and you’ll feel lighter about things. It should spur you on to do more positive things.

But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Set yourself small, achievable goals – whether it’s a short walk one day or picking up the phone to your sons.

Who cares whose fault it is that you haven’t been in touch much? If you want more contact with them and your grandchildren, then pick up the phone and start talking.

There are also plenty of support groups online where you can chat to people who are struggling with the same issues that you have.

I understand your physical ailments must seem overwhelming and difficult to feel in control of, but you can look at how you can change your mindset.

Start slowly (you don’t have to throw a party!) – you just need to take the first step. You can get more info and support at diabetes.org.uk and from mental health charity mind.org.uk.