Old friend shuns me now she’s become wealthy
I’VE had a friend for nearly 10 years, whom I met originally when our daughters became friends at primary school.
We always got on great and had the same outlook on life and similar values.
However, over the past few years she’s come into a lot of money – some from inheritance and some from her husband’s business. She moved her kids to private schools and found a whole new circle of friends, who I have little in common with.
When I see her now it’s just a rushed coffee here and there, and I don’t feel part of her life any more. I feel the money has changed her and I don’t “fit in” with her new social circle, which upsets me.
I bumped into her in town one day when she was with one of her new buddies and she seemed cold, and it felt to me as if she couldn’t get away quickly enough.
I feel too embarrassed to say anything to her because then it’ll become an issue and it might affect our friendship more. Should I just give up on her? I don’t feel I can compete and believe she might even be embarrassed to invite me to things. I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
ARE you sure this issue isn’t more about your insecurities and feelings of self-worth? I think if you felt confident in yourself, it wouldn’t be affecting you this much.
Also, you never know – perhaps your friend is struggling a bit in terms of fitting in with this new group and maybe she feels she has to compete. I have friends from all walks of life, and my best mates are people I’ve known for years, who aren’t on the telly and, in fact, couldn’t be further from that world.
It’s about who you feel at home with, who you can trust and confide in, someone who won’t judge you and who you can have a really good time with. I don’t think you should give up on the friendship – talk to your friend, but don’t make it about her money.
Why not just say you’d like to see more of her and be proactive about organising things that don’t involve a quick coffee.
Reviving a friendship is a bit like reviving a romantic relationship – reminding each other why you were friends in the first place and doing stuff together that you used to enjoy.
It’s about finding the time to reconnect, but so often our busy lives get in the way.
Friendships do change over time though, and people grow apart because of changes in life circumstances, but I think it’s worth trying to revive this one before you completely chuck in the towel.
I don’t fit her new social circle, which upsets me