I STILL SUCK MY THUMB AT THE AGE OF 58

I’D like to reply to the reader who’s struggling to understand why her friend won’t let her elderly mother move in while her house is being renovated (Dear Coleen, September 1). Yes, on the surface, turning away your own mum seems cruel, but your friend might have good reasons. Perhaps their relationship is hanging by a thread and your friend knows that living together will cause arguments and bad feeling and, ultimately, destroy things between them. Maybe they get on better when they don’t have to live in the same house. You shouldn’t make judgments without knowing the full story. Noelle, via email

Dear Coleen

MY PROBLEM is that I still suck my thumb even though I’m 58. I always thought that I would give it up, until one day, when I was about 14, I read in a book about the psychology of childhood and adolescence and that it can continue into adulthood.

I’ve researched online and know I’m not alone – some statistics say that about 10 per cent of adults do it but I never see anyone else doing it in public.

I feel a lot of pressure to give up but I think it’s here to stay and is probably driven by my Asperger’s syndrome.

Mostly, these days, I only do it on the edge of sleep but, despite my attempts to understand or live with it, I always feel society’s disapproval. I’d like to know your thoughts please.

Coleen says

I CAN think of worse habits. And, over the years, I’ve met people in their 30s and 40s who still suck their fingers or thumb. It’s a habit that’s become entrenched over the years and any habit is really hard to break.

If you haven’t tried any treatments or therapies, then hypnosis or cognitive behavioural therapy might help. You could also think of something to compensate or distract you in public.

However, if the thumb sucking these days is mostly on the edge of sleep, then no one’s going to see that and I don’t think you should give yourself a hard time because of it.

Most of us have habits of one sort or another – my daughter still chews her clothes when she’s watching telly or having a discussion and I don’t think she’ll ever grow out of it.

I think the important thing is not to worry about what other people think and let yourself off the hook, too.