What’s the goss?
Why we love tittle tattle about what others are up to.. and how it needn’t be all about bitching
HOW much time do you spend gossiping?
A 2019 study found we do it for 52 minutes per day on average. The bitchy antics on TV shows such as Gossip Girl give gabbing a bad reputation but there are plenty of benefits to gossip as well as a lot to be wary of.
What is gossip?
Chartered psychologist and author of The Leader’s Guide To Resilience, Dr Audrey Tang, describes gossip as “talking about somebody else who is not present at the time” – something “you’re not prepared to say to the person who’s not present”.
While gossip has a nasty reputation, it’s not all bad – the 2019 study found the majority of gossip is neutral.
It also found that women tend to engage in more neutral gossip than men.
“It’s our way of expressing ourselves,” Dr Tang said, whereas “that’s not a style that is necessarily natural to how men communicate”.
Ultimately, people who love to gossip tend to be more extroverted.
Why do we like it so much?
Humans are social beings, and gossip is a way of bringing people together and sharing stories.
Dr Tang said: “If you think back to things like fairy tales and even stained glass windows, they all told us a story, they all told us a piece of information that was useful to be passed on to other people.
“Gossip can actually be a form of teaching other people – even if it is negative, it never hurts to be warned about somebody who is a little bit dodgy.”
On a less positive note, gossiping can help you avoid your own troubles.
Dr Tang mentions we might feel a sense of schadenfreude when talking about other people.
She said: “A good way of avoiding dealing with your own problems is pointing your finger at someone else’s, that makes us feel better.”
From an evolutionary perspective, “If there’s someone weaker than us, then it’s better for us,” she added. “If we can make it clear so-and-so is weaker – we get the resources, we get the praise, we feel safer.”
Is it all bad?
“Gossip is a form of bonding,” said Dr Tang. “It’s a form of recognising our identity, because we feel in the ‘in group’.” It can bring people
together – and if it’s only neutral chitchat, nobody gets hurt.
It can also give a boost to the person with the information. “It’s a great way of holding court,” said Dr Tang, plus it’s a type of “social commentary” helping us understand more about the world around us.
But be careful..
The best way to ensure gossip does not lead to bullying is to not name names – if you keep things abstract, you can bond and share information without being mean.
When hearing gossip, Dr Tang suggests asking youself: “‘What am I gaining through this? How far can I trust the person?’ If you are engaging in it, know what you’re trying to achieve.”
Letting someone in on a secret can be a show of trust, but it can be a double-edged sword. Dr Tang said: “If it is nasty, it is fickle, it is about somebody – chances are if I’m gossiping with you, then I’ll be gossiping about you to somebody else.”