I WANT TO MARRY BUT HE’S ‘NOT INTO IT’
Dear Coleen
I’VE been with my partner for five years and we’re both in our 30s with one child. My problem is, I’d love him to propose, but I don’t think he ever will – not voluntarily anyway.
Last weekend, we were at his parents’ house for lunch and his mum joked that he’d better get on with proposing or he’ll need a zimmer frame to walk down the aisle and she’d be dead. We all laughed about it but my partner got really sulky and defensive.
He’s never fully explained his reasons for not wanting to marry, other than saying he’s “just not into it” and “we don’t need it to be happy”.
It makes me feel rubbish though, as if he’s got one eye
Coleen says
WELL, you can’t force him into it and nor should you want to. He can’t propose just to make you happy or for a quiet life. You want him to marry you because it’s what he wants, too.
However, I think he owes you more of an explanation than “I’m just not into it”. I think the bigger question is, what does his reluctance mean in the context of your relationship – is he committed? Ask him.
I think the important thing is the quality of the relationship and that you’re happy and both committed to each other. A wedding band won’t change those things. Also, you have a child together, which is a bigger commitment than a marriage certificate.
I just think you need to start by being honest about how he makes you feel – insecure, worried about your future and so on. And he needs to be more transparent about his reasons for not wanting to get married. If he hates big weddings, you could do it with just the two of you.