It is time to take control of your parental burnout angst
Life for many people looking after kids feels like too much right now, with childcare, work pressures and caring for others making it all seem overwhelming. Lauren Taylor looks at how to get to grips with it
COVID has been tough on parents.
It used to be associated with high-powered jobs and burning the candle at both ends but “burnout” is now being felt by more and more parents, as they try to juggle career pressures and family lives – more so since the pandemic hit.
Being a working parent can feel like a never-ending cycle of childcare, rushing through work to pick up children, more childcare, catching up on work you didn’t finish, then sleep, before it starts again.
Stay-at-home parents don’t have it any easier, often feeling like complete responsibility for both home and children rests squarely on their shoulders.
The pandemic has been particularly tough on parents – from looking after newborns without support, to homeschooling alongside a job.
And even as we reach the other side of the Covid crisis, a survey by Action for Children found more than four out of five parents are still struggling with at least one of the warning signs of parental burnout.
The charity found many of the 2000 parents surveyed felt like they were “drowning” and “isolated”, and other symptoms included anxiety, depression and disruption to sleep as well as mental exhaustion.
What’s the difference between tiredness and burnout?
“It’s the degree of tiredness,” explained Dr Nihara Krause, consultant clinical psychologist at Bloss (blossapp.com), “so if you take tiredness along a spectrum, then being burned out is an absolute, emotional and physical, exhaustion.
“And it’s not an exhaustion that might be helped by, say, going on holiday or having a really good night’s sleep.
“There are cognitive implications too. Parental burnout can come with loss of fulfilment, a sense of disillusionment about where you’re at, a distancing from people who are important to you.
“As a parent it can be really distressing if you feel distanced from your partner or children.
“It can lead to a loss of selfesteem and lead to physical symptoms like disrupted sleep, disrupted eating, and some people will increase substance misuse to try and cope.”
The pandemic-effect
Covid-19 has had an impact on everyone in very different ways. For some it was a chance to reconnect with family. For others, it was a lonely and difficult time, especially for single parents or parents of children with additional challenging needs.
On top of that, boundaries collapsed because of home-working.
Parents where taking on multiple roles to educate and entertain their children as well as do their own work, and roles as we knew them disappeared.
How to start getting back on track
The first step, Dr Krause explained, is to take stock of what’s happening.
See yourself as an athlete who’s had an injury.
Next, examine how it’s affecting you in terms of food intake, sleep, energy and your thought processes, and get some help.
Could family or friends help out with the kids, could work be more flexible with your hours and could you share the school run pick-up with someone else?
Isolation is a key symptom and effect of parental burnout, so reach out to friends and try to carve out some time for those relationships.
“Our social connections are such resilient factors,” stressed Dr Krause, “so reach out, reconnect with friends, share some of the challenges you might all be going through and see what you might be able to do to support each other.”