I’m hell to live with and pushing husband away
MY marriage is really struggling at the moment and it’s down to me.
My husband and I are still young – I’m 31 and he’s 34 – and we have a three-year-old daughter.
I’m prone to depression and I’ve found the past couple of years very tough – being a mum, trying to work, the lockdowns, feeling socially isolated – and I’ve taken it all out on my husband.
I snap at him constantly and nothing he does is ever good enough. I know I’m pushing him away and I must be a nightmare to live with, but I can’t seem to stop doing it.
The other day, he stormed off, saying he’d “had enough” and didn’t come home until hours later.
We’re talking again but it’s just small talk, really – I find it hard to talk to him about how I really feel because it always starts an argument and I can’t face confrontation right now.
Can we get back from this? I love him and don’t want to lose him but worry he’s losing respect for me and doesn’t think of me in the same way any more.
WHEN you’re in a bad place and hurting, the tendency is to take it out on the person you love the most because you know you can, and then put on a brave face with other people.
The positive thing here is that you’ve recognised what the problem is, and you know you love your husband and don’t want to lose him.
I think many people are in the same boat as a result of the past couple of years – even those who’ve never suffered with depression previously.
It worries me that you can’t talk to him without arguing. Depression can be hard to understand if you’ve not experienced it yourself and maybe your husband is struggling with this.
Write down how you feel and give it to your husband. Acknowledge you’re taking things out on him and tell him you don’t want to lose him. This will give him chance to digest what you’re saying properly, so when you do talk, neither of you is reacting instantly and risking an argument.
I think you should also visit your GP and talk about treatment options – counselling, for example. There’s lots of help out there and you mustn’t be ashamed of asking for it.