It‘s all too easy to judge people you really know nothing about
AMERICAN actor and tabloid dreamboat Ben Affleck messed up big time this week.
In a wide-ranging interview with broadcaster Howard Stern, Bat-Fleck made the rookie mistake of having an opinion about his own life.
A life which, by the sheer science of proximity, leaves him better placed than almost anyone else in the world to form a view about.
Of course, in the age of social media, trending topics and click-bait headlines, an off-the-cuff remark lasting just a few seconds can grow arms and legs of its own – and always does when you are famous.
Probed about his messy public divorce a few years ago from actor and mother of his children Jennifer Garner, Affleck revealed that marriage problems had, in his view, partly fuelled the drinking binge which landed him in rehab in 2015.
Ben spoke of feeling “trapped” at the time and how an inability to confront the fact his relationship with Garner had broken down contributed to a resurgence in his well-documented alcoholism and subsequent stint in residential treatment.
Yet somehow, a guy talking openly about his own experience, from his own perspective, led to a world-wide backlash as an ocean of arm-chair relationship counsellors, and fair-minded observers who’ve never put a foot wrong in their romantic lives – including divorcee Piers Morgan – united to condemn Affleck for trashing his ex-wife and blaming other people for his drinking.
Christ-on-a-bike, what is wrong with people? Saying that a relationship-breakdown contributed in some way to a health problem should not be this controversial. And saying such a thing is not the same as blaming an ex.
Feeling trapped in a relationship is a pretty normal marital issue and does not automatically mean you believe your spouse is actively confining you to misery. Affleck was simply commenting on the fact that his own inability to face the reality of his failing marriage played a part in his relapse – hardly a revelation.
Affleck is not a politician. He was speaking candidly in an unguarded way. While I’m not one for spending an unhealthy amount of time reflecting on the trialsand-tribulations of celebrities, this non-story speaks to the deeper issue of judging others from a distance whom you know nothing about.
Relationships are complicated. Break-ups are painful. Even where a partnership ends and no infidelity or abuse has occurred, both parties are wounded by the heartbreaking process of separation.
And part of that process involves making your own meaning of it all – something everyone has the right to do. The idea he was blaming Garner for his drinking is such a desperate reach. He was talking about his own inability to face up to reality – that’s what made him feel trapped.
Granted, it is perhaps unwise to speak so publicly about matters of intimacy when you know your words and sentiments can be reframed or taken out of context.
But its also worrying that daring to talk about a matter of potential substance – the reality of relationships – in the public domain in an honest way can lead to such confected and hypocritical outrage.