All of my friends are settled but I can’t find a man to love
Dear Coleen
I’M A woman in my 30s and terminally single. Every shortlived relationship I’ve ever been in has ended in tears – I seem to attract or be attracted to the wrong sort of man.
Needless to say, all my friends are either married or in longterm relationships and I’m the only one in my group of mates without a partner.
This was highlighted a few weeks ago when my best friend got married to her long-term boyfriend. I was miserable throughout the wedding and had to really force myself to smile and look happy.
Someone even told me to “cheer up”. Everyone else there was with someone and I found the whole day painful.
Recently, she emailed me some wedding photos and I can’t even bring myself to comment on them, which I know is bad.
I’m not proud of feeling like this and of course I’m glad my friend is happy, but I wish I knew what I’m doing wrong when it comes to men.
I hate feeling resentful, jealous and angry, but that’s how I feel all the time. I’d just love any words of wisdom on the subject.
Coleen says
FIRST of all, I wouldn’t give yourself such a hard time over feeling the way you do – it’s how you are right now, so it’s better to acknowledge it and work through it.
Secondly, I think you need to change how you see things – being in a relationship is not the be all and end all when it comes to feeling happy and fulfilled. So it’s worth starting with yourself and remembering all the good things you have going for you. If you’re confident in yourself, that’s going to shine through and it’s an incredibly attractive quality to others.
Thirdly, the grass isn’t always greener! Yes, all your friends might be in relationships, but they might not all be blissfully happy. Having been divorced twice, I know that it’s better to be on your own than be in a relationship that’s not working.
Which brings me to my next point – maybe in your desperation to be part of a couple, you’re dating guys who aren’t right for you and that’s why those relationships end in tears.
So, I think you need to relax a bit, don’t jump at any guy who takes an interest in you, and believe in yourself.
As for the wedding and the wedding photos – tell her you love the pictures and leave it at that. You don’t have to pore over them and relive the day.
So, to sum up, please stop comparing and despairing. Focus on yourself and your life – that’s the way forward.
Good luck.