Let children tell you what’s on their mind

Childline’s Neil Homer explains the challenges young people face during the festive season, and how to support them

CHRISTMAS Eve 2020. I was volunteering for Childline when the call came in. It was a young boy who lived with his mother and a stepfather, who was emotionally abusing them both.

Terrified he might be overheard, but desperate enough for someone to talk to that he was willing to take the risk, he had dialled our number.

We agreed to end the conversation if he heard this man approaching, or to call 999 if he ever felt unsafe, but managed to chat for a while as he shared his story of loneliness and fear.

The family had no Christmas tree, decorations or cards. Instead his stepfather had roared “Christmas is cancelled!” and would probably spend all of Christmas Day drinking.

The boy wasn’t expecting any presents, would be made to spend the day in his room and had hidden crisps and biscuits in case he got hungry. It was heartbreaking.

His experience is not unique. While time away from school is a relief for most, for children whose home environment is more stressful, Christmas can be really challenging.

But even for young people who are in warm and loving homes, the past 18 months have been tough. Earlier this month, a worrying Ofsted report by chief schools inspector Amanda Spielman looked at the impact of the pandemic.

It warned that loneliness, boredom and misery became endemic among the young during the UK’s lockdowns, leading to physical and mental health problems that are ongoing. This has certainly been reflected in calls taken by Childline – and the festive season only heightens these issues.

Loneliness is a common theme that our volunteers hear about in December. There can be a lot of expectation and build-up surrounding the big day. We are bombarded with adverts, social media posts and films packed with images of happy families spending time together.

For children who are struggling, this can leave them feeling as though they are the only young person who isn’t happy. This can also result in some children putting pressure on themselves, making them frustrated and upset.

Having nowhere else to go and being cut off from teachers and other support networks can make things increasingly isolating and challenging.

This festive season, it’s essential that children know where they can turn for support if they need it – and that no child feels they must cope alone with their worries.

It can be challenging and upsetting for any adult who knows a young person who is struggling. So how can you best support them?

● Encourage them to talk about how they are feeling to a trusted adult. This could be a parent, carer, sibling over the age of 18 or Childline. Sharing their feelings can help things feel less overwhelming and it will mean that they have someone in their life who can support them with this during the Christmas period and beyond.

● Persuade them to take some time away from social media if it’s making them feel bad about things. We know children can often compare themselves to other people when they are on social media, which can add to the feeling of loneliness. Having a break from social media can be a great way to focus on themselves and what will make them happy, rather than on what other people are up to.

● If they are struggling to express their thoughts out loud, suggest they do some art or journalling. You could encourage them to look at the Childline website where they can find lots of creative tools such as the Artbox, which they can use to help communicate their feelings.

● Prompt them to do one positive thing a day which helps lift their mood. This could be going for a walk, listening to music or messaging a friend.

● Suggest that they connect with other young people who understand how they are feeling. You can signpost them to Childline’s message boards, which are a safe, moderated space where young people can do this. Getting support from their peers will help a young person feel connected and less alone in their experiences.

His family had no tree or cards