So upset that love of my life is marrying someone else
Dear Coleen
I’M A man in my early 30s and still single, which I think is mainly due to the fact that I’m in love with a good friend.
I’ve known her since we lived together during our time at university. She’s devastatingly attractive but always had a boyfriend in tow, so I never felt able to tell her how I feel. Also, I didn’t want to lose her as a friend – as well as being gorgeous, she’s also kind, funny and always has my back.
I have dated other women and had a few short relationships but nothing lasts because I compare every woman to my friend and no one matches up.
A couple of weeks ago, she called to tell me that her boyfriend had proposed and she’d accepted. She was thrilled and I did my best to sound happy for her but I’ve been feeling so low ever since and beating myself up for never telling her I love her.
She’s been dating this guy for a few years so I knew it was serious but the engagement has still come as a shock and now it feels like I’ll never get the chance to be with her.
I’d love some advice.
Coleen says
MAYBE this engagement is a good thing. It’ll help you get some closure and you’ll find it easier to move on with your life and open yourself up to relationships with other women.
I guess when she was just dating, there was always the hope that you might end up together.
I wonder why you never told her how you feel – do you think it’s because you know deep down that she doesn’t feel the same way? Honestly, I think it’s too late to admit your feelings now she’s engaged and, by the sounds of it, very happy in her relationship.
Look, I really don’t believe there’s only one person out there for us and if we miss our opportunity, that’s it. But you have to be willing to give people a chance, so if someone comes along who you’re attracted to, don’t dismiss her because she’s not your friend.
It takes time to get to know someone and to know if they could be right.
It might be a good time to step back a bit from the friendship until you’ve come to terms with the situation – there’s no point in torturing yourself.
And when you do meet someone you really like, make sure she knows how you feel about her from the start.