I FEEL TRAPPED BY OLDER MARRIED LOVER

Dear Coleen

I’VE got myself into a difficult situation with an older guy in his 40s. I’m in my 20s and a single mother, and met him when I was at quite a low point in my life and needed help.

He was there, offering me support, buying me things and even helping out with my daughter. He knows everything about me and my situation, but never says anything about his own life, although I know he’s married with children.

We sleep together, but he’s never suggested that he’ll leave his wife to be with me.

I feel stronger now and can’t shake the feeling that he’s taking advantage of me. This thing we have isn’t going anywhere, but I feel trapped and worry how I’ll cope on my own. Please help.

Coleen says

IT’S taken you a long time to realise he’s taking advantage of you – it’s called having his cake and eating it.

You’re scared of being on your own, but you are on your own – he only sees you when he can and when he’s not with his wife, and that’s a very lonely existence. Constantly waiting for someone else is a really horrible place to be.

Look, you know this isn’t going anywhere, so like yourself enough to believe you deserve more. You should be with someone who only wants to be with you and he is out there if you’re prepared to look.

If you are feeling stronger, now is the time to cut the cord and move on. It’s good you’re questioning this relationship now, so follow your head and don’t let fear hold you back.

When you are free from someone you feel chained to or trapped by, it’s the most wonderful feeling to be in control of your own life again.

When the right person comes along, you can be with him because you want to be with him and not because you’re lonely and feel you have no options.