Want to split from older lover but I like lifestyle

Dear Coleen

I’M a 29-year-old man and have got involved in a relationship with a woman who’s 40 and don’t know how to get myself out of it.

It started as a bit of fun – great sex, fun nights out, with no strings attached. However, I started staying over at her place a lot and now I’ve practically moved in.

She’s very generous and has paid for a lot of things, including an amazing holiday to Puerto Rico, which I could never have afforded to pay for myself.

The thing is, I know I don’t want to stay with her long term or get married to her. But I’ve got in too deep and probably led her to believe that we might have a future together, not by anything I’ve said, but just because I keep going along with all her plans.

Every time I try to broach the subject, she comes up with something else, like a weekend away and I end up going along with it because I like her and we have fun.

I am genuinely worried about hurting her because I care about her and I think she’s really into me. What can I do?

Coleen says

I THINK it’s inevitable that you’re going to hurt her, sadly. You’re living a lie and you’re now taking advantage of her, so you have to be honest about how you feel.

I think she might be avoiding talking about it because she knows deep down that you’re not as invested in the relationship as she is, so she pulls a lovely weekend trip out of the bag to keep you hanging in there.

Look, it’s never easy to break up with someone but if you’re not feeling it and don’t see a future, then it’s better to admit that now.

Also, it can’t make you feel great about yourself, accepting all this generosity when you know you won’t be sticking around.

She might tell you she’s happy with how things are and that she doesn’t expect more but at 40 she might be looking for a life partner.

You have to be honest and I know how hard that is but the longer you leave it, the harder it’ll be. There will always be a reason to stay, but it will never be the right reason.

“She’s paid for a lot of things including a trip to Puerto Rico