A pitched battle that never drags
WHAT is it about Dragons’ Den that keeps us hooked?
It isn’t the way it’s filmed. Those melodramatic reaction shots are so naff you suspect the director must have cut his teeth on a bad Brazilian daytime soap opera.
Even people on Hollyoaks find it a tad hammy, and you could serve them up with egg and chips.
It isn’t old Gollum, Evan Davis, telling us exactly what we’ve just seen like a gormless supply teacher addressing a class of particularly backward eightyear-olds.
And it certainly isn’t the dismal Reaction Room they’ve added this series – a worthless Gogglebox rip-off minus the warmth and wit.
Instead of the Siddiquis we get the pitcher’s pal self-consciously yelling “Go humanitarian!” at a monitor.
I want a Reaction Room to the Reaction Room just so we can shout back “Go f…inance yourself !”
People who go on without knowing their figures irritate, too. Don’t they watch the show? It’s only been running for 14 years! It’s like Big Brother donuts who discuss nominations and then look shocked when they are outed.
Even the dragons annoy. Peter Jones turned down Trunki and dubbed the Tangle Teezer “hair-brained” (it’s now worth £65million). But he saw fit to invest in flop indie band Hamfatter.
He’s alongside Deborah Meaden, who looks like Droopy Dog’s peroxide sister, Moonpig Nick, Touker Suleyman and Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, 10 Lower Thames Street, London EC3R 6EN Sarah. Why is she the Willingham when Touker suits the name so much better? I’m still not convinced he isn’t Harry Enfield playing a hugely punch-able comedy character…
The dragons are often wrong, they’re inconsistent, they sulk and are hugely greedy, which is why they’re loaded. But naturally they hate pitchers who haggle for better deals for themselves.
The real reason we watch is the people – aspiring entrepreneurs and inventors like dyslexic dad with Asperger’s Martin Chard and his simple but brilliant Marxman marking tool.
“The genius of it is the deep hole,” said Sarah. Although you may have heard something similar on Ex On The Beach. Once again Peter Jones missed the potential…
THOSE lame CGI dragons in the opening titles only serve to remind us how much better it would be if they had the budget to bring in Daenerys and her Game of Thrones ones.
Cue Gollum: “Tarquin has forgotten his profit margins. Drogon is not happy. He’s firing up…and, oh dear, it seems Tarquin’s innovative line in flameresistant nightwear isn’t all it was cracked up to be.”
THE Dragons missed the mass market appeal of miniature selfie-statues recently.
If Piers Morgan’s came with batteries he would finally be able to consummate his passion for the one true love of his life.
I’d buy the Simone Biles statuette, which I believe is full-size. HEROES of Helmand… Stranger Things (Netflix)…Buster Keaton, right (Sky Arts). GILES Coren, left, and his inexplicable selfconfidence…chronic human comics on Monkeys Do The Funniest Things… ITN’s Noreena Hertz – she makes Paul Mason seem like Charlie Chuckles. BBC and Sky still reporting upbeat economic news with the whinging phrase “despite Brexit”. All attempts to sell us horse-dancing as televised sport. The dismal lack of Tonia Couch bum shots at the Olympic diving.