Desert island dimwits are all at sea

AH, Celebrity Island. Where better to see weeping, foul-mouthed micro celebs demonstrate how utterly useless they are?

Josie Long was billed as a “comedian”. Prove it!

The semi-famous wasters barely have the survival skills to get through a photoshoot. They put in their first SOS call within 24 hours of arriving and another one shortly after.

Aston Merrygold (from JLS, not a cider) already wants out.

To no one’s surprise nonentities from littlewatched reality TV shows, like Mark Jenkins from The Hotel and posh wally Ollie Locke (rhyming slang) aren’t cut out for roughing it.

Dom Joly, whose last decent series ended in 2003, was appointed leader and hasn’t made a sensible decision yet. Dom’s chief castaway skill is swearing. He’s Robinson Crude-o.

Locke was the first to blub, but in fairness he has also given us the quote of the series.

“I’m known as the camp one from Made In Chelsea,” he said. “But is there an alpha male waiting, screaming to come out of me?”

For all possible answers see It Was Alright In The 70s.