Bishop’s earned nightly bashing
WELL, I predicted The Nightly Show would improve with John Bishop.
And it did – they toned down the brightness and stopped the camera zipping about like an Olympic squash ball.
But the rest…strewth, it was like recovering from dysentery only to be stricken with the trots.
Bishop’s monologues did for topical comedy what Hammond’s budget tried to do to the self-employed.
Monday’s papers were packed with news stories ripe for ribbing – Louis Tomlinson’s airport brawl, Stavros Flatley’s alleged dope factory, Martin Clunes’ mystery cosmetic surgery…
But John, inset, swerved all of that to serve up incisive satirical insights like Donald Trump tweets while “having a dump”. Be still my aching sides.
The Chester-born professional Scouser promised us a “unique musical performance from Madonna” before dragging up to spoof her Vogue video. Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, 10 Lower Thames Street, London EC3R 6EN Two days later he was Kylie. What is it with ITV and men in frocks?
And why did they replace a character comic doing stand-up with a stand-up comic sitting down?
Bishop’s big innovation was the “Tit-O-Meter”. “Is Trump a tit or not?” he asked gleefully. It was like throwing stones in a glass house.
It fell so flat that by Tuesday he ditched topical jokes (and his TitO-Meter) completely and fell back on a weak routine about dogs…on a day when the headlines were dominated by Paul Burrell coming out!
Granted, this was sun-risesin-east level surprising, but it was still a big talking point. (Burrell said Princess Di was the only woman he’d ever told. Telling his wife might have been kinder.)
On Wednesday the gags returned but were so dire you wished they hadn’t. “That was a joke about w*nking,” Bishop chortled. He asked the great Roger Daltrey about the 60s. Presumably, The Who star’s outspoken views on immigration were taboo for fearless ITV. Yet Pamela Anderson was encouraged to sing Julian Assange’s praises. The long, stilted interviews deaden the show’s pace. It lacks energy and punch. I only hope it survives long enough for Bradley Walsh to have a crack. MEL & Sue pulled out of hosting The Nightly Show after realising they’d be going from Bake Off to Switch Off. ITV have booked Dermot O’Leary instead. Why? When was he funny? It’d make more sense to bring in Paul O’Grady, Jim Davidson, Jimmy Carr, Brian Conley, Micky Flanagan, Alexei Sayle, Kevin Bridges or Pasquale. SHIRLEY Carter got banged up just days after Crimewatch put out an appeal to find hard-faced transgender offender Lisa Hauxwell. Coincidence? Or mistaken identity? It wouldn’t be any crazier than current soap storylines, what with Ken Barlow torching thousands of pounds of “tainted money”. It’s just money, mate. Give it to charity or invest it for Amy’s Uni fees (or, more realistically, her future bail requirements.) At least it gave Bill Roache something to do. I’d started to suspect Ken had died months ago and ITV had forgotten to tell him. On Emmerdale, Aaron’s prison ordeal was like a rejected out-take from Midnight Express. And the whole Carter saga on EastEnders is pony. Magistrates couldn’t jail Shirl, and Mick would’ve been able to pay that fine in instalments.
The only thing he should do time for is reckless geezerism.
SNOBBY Ken branded Sinead “intellectually inferior”. Eh? He married Deirdre! TAMZIN Outhwaite, right, as conniving Connie, Inside Number 9… Lethal Weapon…Tristin Mays, MacGyver (Sky1). JOEL Dommett, Drunk History – cirrhosis of the funny-bone…Chris Harris, left, Top Gear – the grand bore…John Bishop – lamer than Hop-along Cassidy with two broken ankles. I LOVE the way The Voice coaches bring something unique to the show. Tom has the wealth of experience, Jennifer charisma and enthusiasm, Will brings quirky humour, and Gavin…he’s there too. LET’S hope Isis nutters never see Very British Muslims. Heads will roll.