Royal drama a king-size farce
KING Charles III was utterly unbelievable – for starters, it had a Labour prime minister.
The bonkers BBC drama was set in the near-future, just after the death of the Queen.
Written cleverly – OK, irritatingly – in cod Shakespearean verse, the 90-minute snooze-athon felt about as close to reality as American Gods.
Prince Harry was a gloomy, self-loathing sap easily swayed by his lover Jess and her puerile student politics.
Kate was a scheming Lady McBeth figure, Princess Di was floating about as a ghost and William stabbed his dad in the back.
The crunch came when Charles refused royal assent to a government bill intended to suppress Press freedom. The ambitious prime minister immediately tried to push through a bill to curtail the monarch’s power.
So Chas turned up at the Commons in full regalia and used royal prerogative to dissolve Parliament. This bold move triggered a constitutional crisis, a fresh Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, 10 Lower Thames Street, London EC3R 6EN election and anti-royal riots across the country.
Except...if far-Left mobs were actually running amok in Pall Mall, wouldn’t pro-Royal yobs turn out, too?
And wouldn’t the police have brought out water cannons long before the Army felt the need to park battle tanks outside Buck House?
(The Household Cavalry were written off in an insulting aside as just being for ceremonial purposes when they are actually highly trained and take part in modern combat operations.)
Besides, much as the Beeb would love to muzzle newspapers, isn’t it more likely that Charles would make a stand over GM crops or fracking?
The crisis was averted when turncoat Wills teamed up with the posho PM and told his dad to abdicate or he’d never see his sons or his grandkids again. That threat was enough, apparently, to persuade Charles to lay aside his lifelong duty in seconds. Talk about anti-climax. One minute he was making a principled stand “like an Albion oak, sewn in British soil”, the next he was a rotting cottonwood bowing to emotional blackmail.
Wills was crowned and Harry elbowed Jess (and the joys of Wetherspoons, kebabs and Pot Noodles) to stand by his bruv.
We never saw dead Di again, but on past form she’s probably still up on the Palace roof entertaining the ghost of Henry VIII. SAMANTHA Spiro, Babs, right...Gillian Anderson, American Gods... Billions finale... Trevor Noah, The Daily Show. THE Keith & Paddy Picture Show, left – a crock-of-p*ss-now... Mind The Age Gap...Britain Today Tonight – roll on tomorrow...C5’s Elizabeth I – such a dog even the Supervet couldn’t save it. EXTREME Cake Makers? Dull! Suggest Extremist Cake Makers. To include: The Osama Bun laden with Isis icing, Nick Griffin’s tiffin (allvanilla), and the Marine Meringue – eat carefully, it’s only soft on the surface. THERE have been no red boxes in Theresa May’s bedroom, husband Philip told The One Show. Just as well Julian Clary isn’t on telly at the moment, isn’t it. LAZY and pointless vox pop on the news. The continued decline of Newsnight. The dull, potless Denise DeadEnders plot. Those over-paid, under-performing team captains on Have I Got News For You – are Paul Merton’s two gags really worth £50k a show?