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QUICKSAND made a welcome return to our screens on Corrie. Hurrah.

Traditionally, we only ever saw it in old westerns, along with Monument Valley, men called Red and geezers fighting on the tops of trains.

Nick Tilsley’s ordeal was horrible, yes, but in fairness the quicksand never sucked as badly as the WhoPushed-Ken storyline.

In the event, he wasn’t swallowed whole. Experts believe Nick kept afloat long enough to be saved by virtue of being made entirely out of wood.

Black-hearted Nathan would have sunk a whole lot quicker – and even the coastguards would have stood around cheering.

Corrie claimed their stomach-turning grooming story was “Rochdale inspired”. So perhaps we should expect a posh white vicar turning suicide bomber and a Buddhist FGM scandal in the months ahead.

White groomers exist of course, but that isn’t what happened in Rochdale, or Rotherham, Halifax, Oxford, Dewsbury etc. Drama should reflect What Is. And if Corrie haven’t got the guts for that, they should just bring back Reg Holdsworth and Curly and have done with it.

A washed-out bloke sinking to a slow agonising death... isn’t that the perfect metaphor for anyone marrying Michelle? DAVID Davis is “the Noel Edmonds of British politics”, said Eamonn Holmes, who remains the Mr Blobby of Good Morning Britain. THE poor quality of political debate. Seriously, if this is the best we’ve got, bring on Doctor Who’s alien monks. Politicians getting a tougher ride on Woman’s Hour than The One Show. Broken – yet more bleeding heart BBC balderdash.