MP3 PLAYER

Piaggio’s ‘trike-ooter’ is up for some jam-busting fun

IF you can breathe and walk at the same time without suffocating or falling over, you can ride one of these.

It’s a Piaggio MP3 and it’s a sort of part scooter, part trike. A trike-ooter, if you like. Clever piece of kit. The tilting front suspension allows it to be cornered like a normal two-wheeler, but with more safety thanks to that extra front tyre footprint.

And it’s still narrow enough to filter between stationary rows of gridlocked cars.

The best bit? As long as you’re 21 or older, you can drive it on a car licence.

And, if you’re feeling really reckless (and stupid) you don’t even have to wear a crash helmet because it’s a trike and that’s what the law states.

Definitely not recommended, though.

With a locking handbrake, it’s also less prone to being pilfered by un-policed, hammer wielding scooter thieves.

Ask money saving expert Martin Lewis about that – he was the victim of “Apple Picking” last week.

There’s a choice of two engines – a perfectly adequate and nippy 300cc one plus a bonkers 100mph 500cc. Both of them are fuel-injected, four-stroke single cylinder jobbies. The 500 version costs a grand more.

And with no gears – just an expanding pulley transmission – it’s merely a question of pointing and squirting. Brakes are push-bike style left-hand lever for the rear brake and right hand for the front. There’s also a foot pedal for the more car-minded that operates all brakes. ABS is fitted as standard as too is ASR to prevent rear wheel skids.

It’s foolproof, it really is. And as a massive fool, I should know.

Acceleration away from junctions and traffic lights is quicker than most cars. There’s a nifty trick, too – flick the switch with your right thumb and the bike is locked in an upright position so you can sit with both feet up while stationary. As soon as you pull away the system automatically unlocks itself so it can lean and tilt as designed.

The 300cc version is quick enough to hold its own on dual carriageways, so if your commute involves a bit of motorway work, it’s more than capable of sticking with outside lane traffic. You can expect a real-world 60mpg, too. Oh, and under £40 a year to tax.

It’s also incredibly nimble at low speed and very stable at high speeds. That’s a difficult dynamic to achieve on two wheels but clearly achievable when you have got two front wheels.

The big Perspex screen and wide front fairing keeps wind blast at bay and should keep your work trousers clean and reasonably dry in all but the heaviest downpour.

Under the comfy seat is a boot big enough to stash a crash helmet or a couple of stuffed-to-the-gills shopping bags…or your emergency waterproof suit.

Every time I go anywhere by train I’m horrified at the cost. Really horrified.

It wouldn’t be so bad if you could get a seat and the carriages weren’t filthy, old and decrepit. If you work in a city what options do you have, though?

Cars spend most of their time standing still and cost a fortune to park (if you can find a space).

Buses are just massive, smelly germ wagons. Cycling? Pah. Very, very dangerous, very sweaty and very uncomfortable.

Buy an MP3 for your daily commute – at £7,500 it’s about the same price as an annual rail ticket.

You can then spend extra time in bed in the morning and get home earlier at night. You’ll never struggle to find a place to park and you’ll relish the freedom of never being stuck in traffic.

It’s a lot of fun, too.